Mastering Big Feelings and Emotions with Patience and Humor
If you follow us on Instagram, you might see that we often make funny videos about toddler behavior. This is because big emotions and feelings are completely normal parts of child development (ages 1-3). As nannies, you can help children navigate these feelings with patience, empathy, and maybe even a sense of humor.
There are a few reasons big emotions may happen – children have a strong desire for independence, their language is limited, and they may just become overwhelmed with their emotions. This can happen as a result of things like hunger, sleepiness, lack of control, jealousy, discomfort, or overstimulation (sounds like some of the same reasons we’ve seen adults throw fits!). Some children also just have more of a tendency to have big emotions than others. Some of these can be avoided with planning (e.g., having a snack ready after physical activity, not planning errands close to the child’s nap time), but sometimes it is out of your control.
Big emotions can look like screaming, crying, running away, hitting, biting, holding their breath, throwing themselves on the floor, or a number of other iterations. First and foremost, you want to make sure that the child, and any other children in the proximity, stay safe. It is also important for you to remain calm, despite the child’s reaction. This can be done through:
- Deep breathing and other mindfulness practices. Children mirror the reaction of the adults, so keeping an even-keeled tone, and using calming language will help to deescalate the emotions.
- Keep your sense of humor! Children do not have these big emotions on purpose – they simply don’t have the coping skills mastered yet. This doesn’t mean laughing, however, because this might encourage the behavior or upset the child even more if they believe you are laughing at them or teasing them.
You will also want to validate the emotions of the child, with phrases such as “I see you’re really upset right now”. You can then use strategies such as:
- Distracting and redirecting (This could mean drawing their attention away from what is stressing them and/or moving to a different room together)
- Teaching coping mechanisms such as deep breathing (like blowing up an invisible balloon), counting, or using a “calm down” space (Another great idea is to model this behavior yourself when you are in a somewhat stressful situation so the child sees it in action before getting to this point. e.g., you burned some toast or you were stuck in traffic and you talked aloud at how deep breathing really calms you down when you are upset and then do the deep breathing)
- Offering a hug
- Offering choices of the above —for example, when a child is upset, you can give them the option to either take deep breaths, have a hug, or go to their “calm down” space; this can help them feel more supported and in control
What you do not want to do is reward or simply give in to demands, because maintaining routines and boundaries creates emotional security for children.
When things return to normal following a big feelings, be sure to reassure the child by reminding them that they are always loved, even when they are upset. However, be sure that you are also doing this often when they are showing good behavior so they don’t see it as a reward. You can also:
- Have conversations about how to handle similar situations in the future. This is where you can incorporate teaching moments where you introduce language to increase their emotional vocabulary such as frustrated, excited, angry, etc.
- Give them other outlets to let out their frustrations such as physical activity.
- Give them control over their choices when possible (“do you want an apple or a banana?” “do you want to play this game or that one?”). Pick your battles while maintaining boundaries.
- Collaborate with parents. It is likely that parents have experienced this behavior, and maybe they’ve found some really great techniques to manage these situations.
No matter how rough it gets in the moments, big emotions are temporary, so again, be sure to keep your cool. How you handle the situation can have a long-term impact on both your relationship, as well as how a child might handle future situations. This is your chance to shine as a true nanny professional! If you have any other questions on how to handle specific situations, please visit our Nanny Blog for more topics, or reach out to Elena or Melanie directly.
Sources:
https://raisingchildren.net.au/toddlers/behaviour/crying-tantrums/tantrums
https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/tantrums.html